


Are you cheating?

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M, This is just another shitpost fic, but I vibed w it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Ted thinks Melissa might be on to his affair with Charlotte, Melissa, however, is on to something totally different
Relationships: Charlotte/ Sam, Ted/ Charlotte
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Are you cheating?

“Yeah Melissa, super cute,” Ted nodded, watching absently as the secretary shoved yet another video of her cat under his nose. “Great.”

“I know! Look, I’ve been trying to get her to use her scratching pad instead of the back of my couch but like- oh!” She scrolled again. “Look, last night she fell asleep right in the middle of my bed. Honestly, if she didn’t wake up when I opened the door I would’ve just slept on the couch!” 

He nodded, taking another bite of his lunch. “Why wouldn’t you just pick her up?”

She looked at him like he had just shot her mother, but before she could go off at him Charlotte came up the steps from the IT room, her lunch clutched between her hands. 

“Hey, why don’t you go tag along on Paul’s coffee run, huh?” He suggested, raising a hand to flag Charlotte down. 

“What, so you can have lunch with Charlotte again?” She pouted. “For what, the fifth time this week? Why do you wanna hang out with her so much? Do you guys have something going on?” 

He almost froze. But this was Melissa he was talking about. She wasn’t the most threatening. “No. She’s just my friend.” 

“Yeah and so am I! And you still send me away every time you see Charlotte! You know what? No one else, only her,” she crossed her arms, preparing to resign herself as Charlotte came into earshot. “Even the other night when I asked if you wanted to go to that festival I had been telling you about you turned me down to hang out with Charlotte, what? Outside of work hours?” She grumbled. 

“We can do whatever we like outside of work hours,” he snapped before she could get too out of line. He was good at keeping a straight face but his hands were starting to get sweaty. 

“She’s a married woman, what are you possibly doing with her at ten at night? God!” She tossed her hands up, shuffling back to her desk. “I’m already in bed by then.” 

“What was that?” Charlotte frowned as she set her container down on Ted’s desk. “Is she okay?” 

He tugged at his tie. “Shit,” he cursed, but he didn’t want to worry Charlotte. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh. Well I hope she’s alright, she doesn’t usually get upset,” Charlotte sighed, shooting her a worried look. “Oh, I have something to show you!” She piped up again. 

Ted grinned as she reached for her phone, leaning back in his chair. “Yeah?”

“I bought this lovely dress last night, down at Lakeside mall?” She handed him her phone to look at the photos of the dress. He would’ve liked to see some of her in it, but he could still appreciate the tailorship he supposed. Blue was a nice colour on Charlotte.

But the atmosphere was ruined. Even though he was making an active effort to ignore it he could feel Melissa’s glare boring into his back. 

He sighed and handed her phone back.   
“I think she’s onto us.” 

———————————————————

‘My place tonight or urs?’ 

‘Yours.’  
‘Sam might be home early.’ 

“Who are you texting?” 

Ted almost dropped his phone, clutching it to his chest out of reflex. He thought the office was almost empty. He was just waiting for Charlotte so they could walk out together. 

“It’s Charlotte again, isn’t it?” Melissa seethed. “You’re always talking with her!” 

“Jesus. And? We’re just friends, that’s all.” 

“That’s not what I mean, Ted,” she grumbled. “And you know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

He shoved his phone deep into his pockets, keeping his hand on it. “Why is it any of your business that I’m texting my coworker?” 

“Because you two keep talking, and I think-“

“Who cares what people are thinking?” His chuckle was anxious and threatening at the same time. Melissa had loose lips. She‘d probably mind the least out of everyone in the office, but she was also the most likely to let it spill. “You know what people think? You keep talking to me twenty four seven and people are gonna start thinking we’re dating!” He hissed.

The colour in her face dropped along with her jaw. “Ew!” She spat, turning on her heels to hurry away just in time for Charlotte to come into the main floor. 

They walked out the door together without Charlotte getting in on the drama, but she was still shooting him a fuming glower as they left. 

———————————————————  
He couldn’t stand Melissa right now. She was constantly hovering by his desk, ready to snap if Charlotte came to the scene. Always wanting to know why they were spending so much time together, always on the look out. 

Except right now she had returned to her desk. She was still grimacing but it was better than having her breathe down his neck. 

Damn. He did not think she was that bright. Sure she had done well in school but he didn’t think she had a scrap of emotional intelligence. She was always so naive, so blindly optimistic. He thought someone more observant like Paul or Bill would’ve gotten it first. Hell, he even kept things about himself and Charlotte under wraps at Beanies. He had been so careful that no one found out. It’d be hell for poor Charlotte. He didn’t want that. He had to get her off the trail somehow, maybe he’d have to stop eating lunch with her for a couple days. It was for the best. He was halfway through a conniving new lunch schedule when he heard Sam’s voice intermingling with Melissa’s over at her desk. 

“Shit,” he turned to watch them, trying not to be too conspicuous. 

Sam, that asshole, was leaning on Melissa’s desk and she was telling him something very passionately as he nodded on. 

Fuck. What could they possibly be saying? Melissa hated Sam, she’d never be so animated with him. 

He bolted up to his feet, it drew attention to him but neither Melissa nor Sam looked angry at him. 

Sam just gave him a funny look before walking off in the direction of the IT office. 

“What’d you just tell him?” He pounded a fist on Melissa’s desk. 

She held her hands up in defence. “Where Charlotte was?” She rolled back in her chair like she was expecting Ted to throttle her. “They’re going out for lunch.” 

“Oh.” He pulled his fist back. “Why’d you look so angry?” 

“Elevator is broken,” she shrugged. “Hey. Since Charlotte is out did you wanna eat lunch together?” 

“I was going down to Beanies with Paul,” he had already planned that. He thought it’d get Melissa off his tracks but she just looked angrier now. Was she onto his plan too? “What? Do you want me to bring you something back?” 

She grinned her teeth. “No thanks.” But her glare didn’t release him. “What’re you doing at lunch tomorrow?” 

“Nothing,” he admitted. Maybe spending a lunch with her would clear up her suspicions. 

“Great. Beanies coffee run?” She proposed.

As if he actually had a choice.   
———————————————————

“So what’d you order?” He asked even though he knew. Melissa never drank coffee, she couldn’t have it. It was always tea. The chamomile or the peach depending on her mood. But he was just making conversation. 

“Hmm,” she began, ignoring his question completely as she breathed in the steam from her tea. “You’re cheating with Charlotte,” she stated, precise and clear, fingers laced together like she was making a business proposal. 

“What!?” He knew it. He knew she had worked it out somehow. “I told you loud and clear we were just friends!” He never liked yelling at Melissa, but he couldn’t let her believe this. He couldn’t let her spread it. “Charlotte and I have nothing going on, got it? Do you understand?”

Melissa was unfazed, staring at him with hooded eyes over the rim of her cup. “Cut the bullshit, Ted. You’re lying through your teeth.”

Oh shit. She was serious. His eyes darted desperately around Beanies for some sort of help or distraction. The cafe was mostly empty at least, there was no way it was leaving this cafe through another customer. Emma, however, was making a big show of pretending to be wiping down the table directly behind them. Fucking Emma. 

“I know what’s going on here.” 

“Hey, okay, listen man,” he didn’t even drink his chai. He ordered a small because he knew he wouldn’t get through it. “You cannot Tell Sam about this. You’ll ruin Charlotte’s life! Think of her, okay? I’ll do what you want, just don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” 

“Hah,” she spat, rolling her eyes. “Tell Sam? Why would I tell Sam? He’s an asshole!” 

“Huh?” Who was she going to tell then? He sank back into his chair now that the threat was out of the way. 

“Oh,” Melissa took an agonisingly long sip in Ted’s time before wiping her lips. “You think I’m talking about that affair? God. No. I’ve known for ages, about you and Charlotte.” 

“What?” Okay. So maybe she was that clever. “You know? So what’s this all about then? Is it money you want? What is this? An intervention?”

“Hell no!” She was almost done with her tea already despite the fact it was still steaming. She must have been pissed. “You two aren’t exactly the most subtle. I’m the PA, man, I can see all those dumb emails you send each other under the guise of ‘work relations,’ so don’t lie to me!” 

What the fuck was this then? Cheating at what? The table behind him must’ve been incredibly dirty, because Emma was still hovering. Snitch. “You know?”

“Obviously,” she reminded him. “Don’t try flip the script, buddy. This is about us.” She jabbed her finger to the table. “You’re cheating on me, Ted.”

“On you!?” He shot out of his chair. 

Behind him, Emma dropped her spray bottle and just about knocked a chair over, catching it just in time. She shot Melissa and Ted a look, her jaw dropped. “Ring the bell if you need anything.” Total customer service voice. She legged it to the backroom. 

“How can I be cheating on you!? We aren’t even dating!” 

“Don’t play dumb!” She stood up too. “I know what you talk about with Charlotte. You’ll sit for hours looking at pictures of her cats but not mine!?” 

“Oh.” Ted tucked his chair in to pick up Emma’s spray bottle. Setting it down on the table behind them, pushing in the chairs Emma had left out, finishing off his drink, all while Melissa still seethed and fumed and raged. 

“Don’t ignore me!”

“You’re mad that I’ll look at her cats but not yours?”

She pounded her fists to the table like a child having a tantrum. “Yes! It’s so unfair!” 

“Melissa,” he took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. “I don’t spend that much time looking at Charlotte’s cats. I only see them when I’m at her place.” 

Despite all the anger, all this stalking and loitering and eagle-eye spy business she had been up to, she seemed to have no desire to fact check this. “Oh, really?” She fell back down into her seat. 

“Yes, Melissa.” He did not care about cat photos. He didn’t understand how cat-lovers could stare at photo of a cat just sitting down and expect it to belong in the louvre. He loved Charlotte, sure, but even she understood he had a quota of how many photos of little smokey in the car tree he could deal with. “I’m not looking at Charlotte’s cats.”

“Oh, that’s great!” She grinned. “Do you want to see this video of mew playing with her new toy then? Because it’s really great.” 

“Yeah, sure Melissa. Sure.” Jesus. All the stress he had been under this week over fucking cat photos. His body felt so fatigued that it put up no complaints as he leant over the table to see Melissa’s next hundred cat photos. It even felt better not to have her frowning and grimacing so much. A smile was a much better look for her. Everything was normal again, as long as he didn’t break this invisible cat monogamy rule Melissa had set. “Hey, wait,” he leant back for a moment, her eyes looking up at his wide and expectantly, patient for his return to her cat photo book. “You can read all our emails?”


End file.
